Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Why Being a Stay-At-Home Mom was a Bad Fit - Back History on Me

I played with making this up some time back but it still rings true. Being a working mother (even just a part-timer like myself) is rough and it's even more rough for people who work full-time! Now by no means is this to discredit Stay-At-Home Mom's because I know they work too! But rather this is why being at stay-at-home mom didn't work for me. 

When my first daughter was born my husband and I were newly weds and I was 19 years old! While my friends were out still having fun I was home with our colic baby. I had already heard that the most important year is the first year with a child so I wanted to be there the whole time but I quickly fell into depression and got an internet addiction where I was convinced my only friends were the ones online because no one would visit me so it was just myself and this beautiful little girl that would cry all day and all night. Truthfully my internet addiction started before my daughter's birth though because I was put on 100% bed rest before she was born due to my blood pressure and after the emergency c-section moving around was extremely painful for a long time after (several months in fact). In any case, my husband and I started having huge marriage difficulties that I won't get onto here but really a lot of it sprung from my depression and he didn't know how to deal with me and I was so lost in it the idea of attempting to get out of the house no longer occurred to me and the few times I would get out I'd disappear for a few days. Oh I'd call to check in but it wasn't healthy.

This and that happened and we ended up in Kentucky leaving my family, friends and all that I had known thousands of miles away. I did end up going back to work which truthfully was helpful other than my husband then became hooked into the computer and the damage had already been done to our marriage. This spiraled into a year long divorce before we figured out we were being stupid and called it off. By the way lawyers are an expensive way to go for marriage counseling.

We resumed our life together and things were much better and I started college again. Into my first year of school I got pregnant with our second daughter. We were low income so our oldest child was in Head Start, my husband was going to a private college to get his degree and I told myself I was not going to quit school! I had my youngest daughter into the second year of school, my professor was very understanding for which I was thankful of and at 6 weeks old my youngest child started Early Head Start because I knew if I quit school the chances of me going back again were slim. I did get through it though as rough as it was and got my associates degree for Applied Science: Mechanical Drafting and graduated with honors earning my gold cord. 

After school though was a different matter finding work can be a very hard thing so I was again a Stay-At-Home mom. I spent 8 hours a day cleaning thinking that for every hour my husband was at work I needed to be at work (he graduated with honors too). Everything was constantly dusted, every toy had it's place, I would shampoo the carpets constantly (by the way this isn't good for them). I found myself going into a rut once again and spending hours upon hours just cleaning and filling out applications. No friends and this time no family. 

*I guess I better wrap this up getting late and I must get to work*
I did eventually find a job that was flexible enough to let me still take care of my family but forces me out of the house no matter how much I complain about it. It is a better fit and I'm a much happier person working that I would be if didn't have a job. I may want a nice LONG vacation right now but I'd never want to fully stop working. I think I'd drive myself a tad bit crazy.

Working works for me. I hope everyone can find the path best suited to them. 


  1. I enjoyed reading your back history--what a journey and congratulations and good for you in sticking with school and finishing! I've been a stay at home mom for GULP about 10 years now minus a part-job when my 11 year old was 2-3 and some sorry attempts at the direct sales thing (Avon, Mary Kay). I do find that I have to force myself out of the house every so often and I am currently taking the steps to maybe substitute teach (talk about scary!).

    1. Several of my friends are stay-at-home mothers and it's a hard job to be too! I am a firm believer in whatever makes each individual the happiest is generally the best route and if that's in confliction with the family then perhaps there needs to be some give and take on both sides.
      I would suggest to everyone though to get out once and awhile when possible even if it is for a walk and even if a person doesn't feel up to it. I really wish someone would have pointed outside and said, "You have a stroller just go around the block!"
      And yes substitute teaching sounds VERY scary! It's awesome that you are taking steps that way though! Never enough teachers in the world!